Lay By Your Dish

We went past the straw breaking the camel’s back some time ago; we are now spearing its humps while it writhes on the ground in pain.

Of course I am referring to the Obama administration’s decision this week to tax Christmas trees.  This, apparently, is what he meant by going around Congress to get things done for the American people.  Because taxing Christmas was what we were all clamoring for him to get done.  Riiiight.

And I still can’t figure out which is dumber – taxing Christmas or trying to balance the budget 15 cents at a time.  What kind of fool adds a three-nickel tax?  All that does is make the guy in the tree booth take his glove off to count 85 cents change that I will drop in the snow.  Besides, at 15 cents a pop, you would have to clear-cut Canada just to pay for the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac bonuses we paid last week.

The timing of this new tax is impeccable; millions of still-unemployed Americans must be thrilled to know there will be even less money for their children’s toys this Christmas so that the Agriculture Department won’t have to postpone their bonuses, raises, and staff additions.  I’m sure we will all start with government when we list the things we are grateful for this Thanksgiving. 

It’s all part of the President’s own 9-9-9-15 plan: 9 percent unemployment, 9 trillion in new debt, 9 wars all at once, and a 15 cent tax on joy just to show Boehner who gets tops.

This decision to tax a religious symbol raises the obvious economic policy and Constitutional law question: what the front door is wrong with these people?  No seriously…where do they get off putting the government bite on our Christmas?  If Christmas is so bad it has to be taxed, then why are they all going to take the day off to celebrate it?  

Here is what I want from government this Christmas: plow the snow, arrest a criminal, and go lay by your dish.  Just leave us alone; read the Constitution and see if you can find anything in there that authorizes you to do even half the stupid things you do to us.  And then read the Bill of Rights again – pretend it applies to you.   

The unsolvable problem with too-big government is that there aren’t enough smart people to run it, and taxing Christmas trees just proves the point.

You can’t fix people who think it is a brilliant idea to tax Christmas trees.  You can’t protect us from these cretins by holding their budget increases to half the rate of inflation over the next decade; you have to abolish the Department that employs them.  If the GOP candidates ever decide to start talking about real issues again, why don’t they all list the departments and agencies they would abolish if we give them the job?  If they can’t come up with one, let them pay our Christmas tree tax out of their own pocket and then ask them again.

Abolishing most of the federal government would be a mercy killing.  Whatever bunch of nut-balls sat in a conference room and decided to serve the American people by taxing our Christmas needs to be set free from the shackles of government service, along with the whole bureaucracy that approved it.  Remember, this is the best idea they came up with that day; it could have been a lot worse if tree-tax genius would have been off on a sick day looking at condominium foreclosures with her friend from HUD.    

And of all the things to punish; Christmas brings out the very best in people.  Charities, professional organizations, businesses, unions, the military, churches, schools – we cheerfully give billions to help those less fortunate than us.  We buy toys for kids, and necessities for families, and feed the hungry and shelter the homeless and reconcile family differences, our churches are packed.

There is no law that compels us to give.  There is no regulation that mandates generosity.  We do not need to apply for a permit and attend a class.  There is no fee, or license required.  There is not a Democrat Christmas and a Republican Christmas.  No one is forced to celebrate Christmas, and no one is punished if they choose not to.  The smiles at Christmas are what the safety net looks like when government is not involved; that is what every day would look like if we made government go lay by its dish.

But government won’t go lay by its dish.  It won’t leave us alone for a minute.  God forbid we would just do things for each other by ourselves and feel good about it.  It must have driven them crazy to know that we would spend an hour with our families picking out a tree and not obsessing about their politics; they had to find one more way to inject their craving for drama into our private time.

And for what?  We could bring a lot more revenue into the federal government if Buffet and Gates just paid those higher tax rates they said they ought to be paying. Well go ahead, boys.  Hear that bell ringing in front of the K-mart?  Pretend it is the Agriculture Department, stuff a billion into the IRS kettle and get them off our backs. 

They taxed Christmas trees.  You can’t even say that without getting angry, whether you are Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Independent, or just a person with a shred of decency left in you. It doesn’t even matter that the President put this loopy idea on hold when we hurled our collective outrage right back in his face.  They tried.  That is the salient point. 

“Moment Of Clarity” is a weekly commentary by Libertarian writer and speaker Tim Nerenz, Ph.D.  Visit Tim’s website http://www.timnerenz.com to find your moment.